Begin Taking Personal Responsibility

Taking personal responsibility is a subject with which I passionately identify. There’s a difference between taking personal responsibility and blaming yourself. Blaming yourself is letting yourself down and telling yourself that you really stunk it up. It’s pessimistic, degrading, demoralizing, and derogatory. It makes you feel like mud on a rock. Taking responsibility is just the opposite. It’s optimistic and positive. It’s motivating, uplifting, satisfying, and empowering. It allows you to think of and create a path ahead. Take personal responsibility and move forward.

Taking personal responsibility shows maturity.

People who take personal responsibility are a more mature and less selfish than finger pointing blamers. Living up to your own actions and not point the scathing finger of blame at others is a sign of mental maturity. This is one thing that separates us from children.

Each time you take personal responsibility, your roots mature and you’re not blown about by the winds of change as easily. You’re able to make decisions and live with the consequences because you’re stable and ready. You’re mentally prepared for the winds. This can take a lot of courage especially when you’re taking responsibility for something over which you don’t have complete control, such as group or outsourced projects. And because it’s easier to be selfish and point fingers, most people will.

Taking personal responsibility empowers you to overcome mistakes and weaknesses.

Now and again most of us make mistakes. Some of us make mistakes all the time. If you don’t fit into one of those two categories, then you probably fit into a third category: the finger pointers. Finger pointers don’t have to worry about overcoming problems because they don’t have any. Point your finger and *poof* they’re gone. Easy peasy. This pathway is for babies. And you’re not a baby, are you?

When you recognize that you’ve made mistakes, taking responsibility for them is the second step (recognizing is the first) to fixing it, learning from it, and not repeating it. It’s quite simple, really. You overcome mistakes and problems when you realize you are both the cause and the solution. You have control over your own life. Taking responsibility is taking control of your life.

A rare ingredient to successful leadership is taking responsibility.

In every business, in every community, in every religion there are managers and leaders. There’s a difference between managing and leading though. Managers manage. They give directions and expect people to follow, and people follow because if they don’t, they lose their jobs. Managers tend to worry more about themselves than they do their team, and often when they worry about the team, it’s because they’re scared for their own skin.

Leaders don’t do that. A leader takes responsibility for his team’s actions and isn’t worried about how others view him. He gives directions and because he’s respected, others follow him. A leader knows he can correct a problem and complete a project. When a leader takes responsibility on his shoulders he shows (heaven forbid) care and compassion for his team and followers. This builds true loyalty. Imagine the following scenario:

A team project comes due and the product ships. Shortly thereafter the product is recalled costing the company thousands. By all accounts it appears that the defect was the result of your oversight.

As is usually the case, the post mortem begins with a finger pointing session. “She forgot to do this…,” “Well, I couldn’t do that because he didn’t do this….” And while everybody is finger pointing, your manager stands up and firmly says, “The thought crossed my mind to check that, but I didn’t. My team and I will resolve the issue…” and he proposes his recovery plan.

You manager could have said, “Yep, you blew it,” and joined the finger pointers. Instead he took personal responsibility because he knew he had thought to check over the product before shipping, but didn’t. Even though nobody else knew he’d thought that, he chose to be responsible; he chose to be a leader. He could have blamed you.

What did your manager accomplish by doing this? For one, he built trust and rapport between you and him. You know he’s willing to stand up for you and the team. He’s willing to lead the pack. It also shows that he has humility. He’s not perfect just because he’s the manager. If anything, it shows he’s sympathetic and understanding. Notice he didn’t blame himself. He realized there was an issue, took responsibility, and moved on.

Let’s change the scenario a little bit. Let’s say in a one-on-one discussion your manager told you that he would look over a certain area on the product for you and told you not to worry about it. The product ships and breaks in that area. During the post mortem your manager chastises you in front of everyone saying, “That was your fault. You really blew it.”

What would happen? You’d hate your manager and not trust him. You’d turn against him. It’s natural for people to flock towards people who make them feel safe. Leaders who take personal responsibility have followers.

As an employee I’ve been in both scenarios multiple times. I still feel loyalty to those leaders who took responsibility.

Taking personal responsibility empowers your decisions.

Fear of the unknown scares people from accepting personal responsibility; this can create a negative slippery slope on your self-esteem and decision making abilities. Learning to accept responsibility for your own actions is empowering. It teaches you that it’s okay to fail, it’s okay to make mistakes, and that the world goes on. It builds confidence in your ability to handle the unknown and the scary. At this point it’s a matter of taking control of your own life and its outcomes. Taking personal responsibility regardless of the outcome, right or wrong, boosts your confidence and speeds your progress.

When you take personal responsibility for your actions and decisions, you’ve immediately empowered yourself towards success, minimizing failure. You naturally take the necessary actions to prevent failure. And in the end, if you still make mistakes, you’re prepared to receive the consequence. Ground yourself in reality: rarely does anything go off without a hitch, and rarely is the worst-case scenario as bad as we imagine. Often the consequences are positive.

Start with the small stuff.

Usually people tell you to not sweat the small stuff. When you’re learning to alter your behaviors, it’s mastering the small stuff that makes progress a success. By small stuff I mean explaining the reasons why you chose path A instead of path B to someone, or why you feel your idea is worth a shot, or why you didn’t have that information ready for the meeting, or why you took the last cookie from the cookie jar. Try stating things as they are, without doubt or hesitation or like an excuse.

Boss: Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?
Coworkers: Chris stole the cookie from the cookie jar!
Chris: Who, me?
Coworkers: Yes, you!
Chris: Yep. Tasty cookie.
Game Over.

Eliminate blame and excuses.

When it’s your action (or lack thereof) that created the situation, eliminate any excuses—there’s no room for them. You chose option B because you felt like it would be a better route, even though your boss counseled against it. You could have made it to work on time, but you just didn’t feel like it. In fact you hit the snooze 4 times. You didn’t attend the meeting because you felt it was a waste of time. It’s not a big deal. Make a choice and live with the consequences, good or bad.

Challenge yourself for a day on this one, then two days, then a week, and so on until it becomes habit. Instead of using “She made me…” or “He didn’t give me…” or “My car wouldn’t start…” use the word “I.” “I didn’t find that information…” or “I forgot to…” or “I couldn’t start my car…”. The point of this is to give yourself the action instead of being acted upon. It’s taking control of your situation by placing yourself in charge.

Realize that the world is not out to get you.

The world can be a harsh place. Make it easier on someone else and eliminate the finger pointing. The blame game sucks the life energy from everyone. The world is not out to get you. Yeah, the world can chew you up and spit you out sometimes (and now and again that’s out of your control), but you have the power of choice, the power to decide, and the power to be responsible for those decisions. When you realize and practice this, you find that you have a lot more control of the world than the world has on you. Don’t let others make your decisions for you.

I know too many people who feel like the world is out to get them. It’s not coincidence that all these people purchase and play the same blame game. These people are not fun to be around and they become self-defeatists. They can be identified by their chronic misery, complaining, and “why did this happen to me?” attitude. If you’re like this, it’s time to shift gears and focus on others. Chances are you didn’t help them out either. Spend some time serving others and looking for the positives of life. Focus your energy toward reaching a positive goal. As you do this you’ll start to see kindness an all areas of the world, and it’s because you’re changing it.

Recognize your strengths and weaknesses.

It’s not so important that you master your weaknesses and tone down your strengths (I think they’re imbalanced for a reason), but rather that you ask for help in your weaknesses and learn to harness your strengths. When you come to grips with your strengths and weaknesses it’s easier to realize the role you played in either a success or a failure, and it’s easier to take that personal responsibility which leads to growth.

Give credit where credit is due.

You can’t learn bitter without the sweet. This principle is especially important if you’re in a leadership position. Make sure your team receives the credit for the work they did. Remove yourself from the picture; your abilities are known by your team’s success. By doing this they build confidence and trust in you, and they become more productive, happier, and willing. When you don’t give credit where it’s due it causes hard feelings, distrust, and discontentment. Giving credit to others for good work is a gift that breeds confidence and gratitude.

Life is about action.

Life is about making decisions and living with the consequences. Letting your future play to luck is wasteful. Make a decision, act on it, live with it, and make your own luck. Learn from the consequences and your experiences and take more action. Although you can’t control everything that happens to you, you can control how you react to each situation and choose your path forward. That is action.

Be willing to take some hits, ninja style.

Taking personal responsibility is like learning martial arts. Sometimes you leave the ring with a black eye and fat lip. Other times you come out champion and the world adores you. It’s the punches and kicks coupled with the defeats and victories that give you confidence and skill. If you’re committed, honest, and constantly learning, you’ll garner respect for stepping up and taking it like a man. Put on that gi and enter the ring. People who take personal responsibility are valuable team players and smart employers recognize and depend on that.

So, do you agree or disagree with me? Do you have examples of awesome people who take responsibility? Let’s hear them. Do you tend to trust others who take responsibility more than those who play the blame game? Let’s hear about that too.

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