You’re probably familiar with the phrase, “It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there.” I’ve been hearing it for years, and I’ve used it a few times myself. It’s a true phrase. If you’re not careful, once you step foot into the big bad business world, you can get skewered, slathered in BBQ sauce, chewed up, and then spit out. These are reasons that people put up a guard and make business and the ensuing relationships as tough as boot leather.
If you have seen the movie, “You’ve Got Mail” you may recall the line by Joe Fox. In an email to Kathleen Kelly, he says, “It’s not personal, it’s business.” Later in the movie, Kathleen asks Joe, “What’s so wrong with being personal, anyway?” Joe, a little stunned, responds, “Uh, nothing.” Kathleen follows up with, “Whatever else anything is, it ought to begin by being personal.” (I’ll admit that even though I’m a guy and avidly follow and believe in The Art of Manliness, I still enjoy some of these classic ‘chick flicks.’)
I ask that same question today. What’s so wrong with being personal, anyway? Business is a giant web that connects people (not businesses) together; this means that business today is about building relationships and being personal, even in this dog-eat-dog world.
Dog-Eat-Dog Sucks
Sometimes people get to the top of the business ladder by being jerks, stomping on people and chewing them up (or out). They rise to power via fear and negative, overbearing communication. They’re far from personal. In fact, if you ask them about anything personal, you’ll probably be thrown out on the curb with your box. Nobody likes to work with these guys. Why would you? I’ve never met anybody in my entire life who enjoys getting skewered for a living. These managers and people are the enemy of us all. To them, being personal is a sin.
Okay, that example above is a little overkill and although it still exists in some areas, it’s not as common as it used to be. It’s the prime example of dog-eat-dog. You have to be meaner, more aggressive, and more feared then the next guy or you get no respect. So, quite simply, don’t be that person, and if you’re working for that person, get out while you still have a soul that you can call yours.
Let’s move on.
A Common Mistake
Here’s an example that hits a little closer to home, and it’s about a personality you’ve probably all worked for at some point.
Like most people, I’ve switched jobs around. Sometimes I work by myself, and sometimes I work with other people. I worked for a couple years as the student manager of a pizza restaurant. It was enjoyable, and we received a lot of business, especially during lunch. My boss was a good guy and we always got along. He made sure that my team and I had some nice perks.
When he’d visit our little pizza place, he would come and ask my team and I how we were doing. He’d ask about the family, the kids, etc. etc. You know the drills. He’s a nice guy, and if I were the type to send out Christmas cards every year, I’d make sure he got one each December.
By now, you might have an image of someone you know like that in your mind. So with all the good things this guy did, why do I bring him up in this section? Even though he asked the right questions, and he’d say the right things, he never communicated to connect and be personal. It was communication because that’s what was expected, and it wasn’t about me or my team, it was about him. That’s why he’d ask the same questions every time and never remember simple, personal details–like names.
You might think I’m asking too much, but I’m not.
The Business of Changing Lives
My last manager is in the business of changing lives. I hope to interview her for this blog soon. Her job is to teach a select few university students each semester how to tutor writing to other university students, something that she excels at. The students who work under her stay as long as they can because working for her is something to be savored.
What is it that makes her different than other managers? The difference is that she connects with every member of her team–personally. For her, everything begins and ends with personal connection. She remembers the names of people who worked for her years ago. She remembers things they said and did. She remember’s their struggles and their successes. The best part about it is, she’s not a pushover. Her very presence commands respect. She’s very candid and open and honest, and she demands quality and hard work.
I can personally guarantee you that every person who works under her leaves with their lives changed. They leave understanding what it means to be personal and what it means to lead.
Being personal is how you strengthen your teams, relationships, and your business. It’s how you build loyal customers who continue to pay for your services. If you want to be remembered as more than a suit and a widget, you must be personal.
Being personal is not dead. In fact, it’s very much alive.
Yes, contrary to (seemingly true) logic, we don’t get to the top standing on a pile of dead enemies. Rather, we reach our goals by “standing on the shoulders of giants” who are alive friends.
Investing in others is a long-term investment in ourselves.
Thanks for the great post; I’ve stumbled and tweeted.
@Nate
Thanks for insightful comment, the stumble, and the tweet. Although there have been many men and women who get to the top on a pile of dead enemies, history shows that it usually ends in disaster. When you’ve made lots of enemies to get to the top, you have a lot of people working to take you down.